Sunday, August 7

now why didn't I do that?

Two years ago, suffering (as we all do) from creaking Old Age, my very elderly washing machine began the slow descent to the scrap heap.

I hate changing appliances- it takes years to figure out the controls (yes I know, reading the instructions would help!)
I dread the upheaval of fitting non-standard sizes into an existing space, and finding the salesman is a mere CHILD speaking an incomprehensible teccy language

And of course, you've never quite got the required ££s without something else taking priority (like those GORGEOUS boots in the shop window!)

So we limped on with a tacit understanding that most programmes were out-of-bounds, but Boil Wash was a possibility (an onerous 3 hour cycle at the last attempt) and Woollens could be achieved by  deftly switching Speed Wash to Delicates at exactly 9-1/2 minutes past first rinse.

Not a bad compromise once you accept that hanging out un-spun clothes is an arm toning exercise and the surrounding lawn stays verdantly lush!

So, when Ted offered to do the washing during a particularly hectic week I explained the nitty-gritty in great detail; the 9-1/2 minute rule, the precise dial wiggle required, the gentle hand, the EXACT way the drum had to be loaded and the reverential Closing of the Door ceremony.
Perhaps it was unwise to omit the prayer ritual, but then hindsight is a luxury in which we shouldn't wallow!

It's surprising how the aroma of boiling Delicates can seep into your consciousness even when you're rummaging at the back of your girl-shed.

Rushing into the house I discovered Ted sitting amid a lake of sudsy water in the utility room, surrounded by some very small smalls, mangled sweatpants and discoloured tees, trying to wring out a sports bra that had shrivelled to the dimensions of a catapult (did he think if it was drip-dried I might not notice??)

They say that sometimes in a marriage words need not be spoken.
This was one of those moments.

I made a cup of tea. Ted said he was "going out".

Back in my shed, stomping about in a this-is-what-happens-someone-else-does-something-for-you-and-tries-to-help-but-just-makes-more-work sort of way, I heard noises in the drive as a LARGE box was unloaded from the pick-up. . .my lovely husband had gone straight out and bought a new washing machine :)))))))))
No teccy knowledge required- he'd just asked the nice man in our local shop what was the best value, easiest to use and in stock now.

Here it sits in all its glory.
I've read the instructions. Its easy-peasy! Its great! It washes all sorts of things on all sorts of programmes (I'd forgotten there WERE so many) it fits the existing space and actually, I think I like it more than those pre-season boots!
And I love my husband ;o)

PS you see the piece of board blocking the gap at the side?
blame Kit for bringing in a mouse last night. . .the machine had to be pulled out, mouse removed and released back into the garden. . .

PPS the freezer is making some very strange noises. Do you think. . .???


Susan T said...

Ha! I love this post. It just goes to show husbands can pull out all the stops when required. Although I do think he had the image of the washing disaster in mind. Hope that your smalls remain regular size from now on.

Menopausalmusing said...

Ha! Ha! (Wrote the woman who for years has had a paperclip positioned "just so" to hold the on/off switch to just the right position on her washing machine). I also had a piece of string tying the top bit of my iron handle to the bottom bit for a lot of years.

YONKS said...

You have hit the nail on the head here. My husband always "fixes" one item, always at the expense of something else! I can never leave him alone with a sharp implement either, several trips to A&E in his history, with finger tips in bags of ice :-) I LOVE HIM!

Gretel said...

Perhaps he figured out it'd be cheaper than having to replace your sports bra. (I had to have one cut off me when I broke my arm last year and the sight of my lovely expensive bra going into the bin was almost more painful than my arm!)

Annie said...

This made me laugh out loud and feel quite jealous. My Dualit kettle packed up this week but luckily Mr C managed to fix it, then my dishwasher completely died shortly followed by the hoover making strange noises. All in all not a good week for appliances. I am still stood at the sink washing up and no sign of a shiny new dish washer arriving yet !
Ann x

Jee said...

My husband got at the washing this week, too. He didn't damage any clothes, but inspite of stern warning he used the very hot wash which always makes the saniflo, that drains everything from our basement utility, overflow. Of course, he was out when I discovered the large soapy puddle! No damage done but what about 'don't use that programme' is there not to understand?

Annie xx TheFeltFairy said...

Hilarious! Sorry! I cannot fathom out instructions, I just do not get them, I think I get all frightened and intimidated and then from there it is all down hill! x

Su said...

This really made me chuckle! I am the woman whose tumble drier door was held in place by a broom handle wedged at a "certain" angle for many years - it worked fine providing you knew how many clothes could go in, too many and the door fell off when the drun changed direction! I also mended the on/off switch on the microwave with kitchen roll and sellotape which worked well, until my OH found out and declared it "dangerous"!

sue15cat said...

Brilliant post.

I have only about 2 programmes on my washer that I can trust, maybe we'll be copying your idea very soon!!

Sue xx

Andi's English Attic said...

Schadenfreude. Is that what I'm experiencing? Taking joy in your misfortune? Or is it just the wonderful way you've related the tale? I want to believe it's the latter because you've made me laugh lots and I wouldn't wish bad things on you for the world. :) xx

OhSoVintage said...

Great post! It really made me giggle especially the bit about sometimes you don't have to say anything. Did you have to count up to 10 (or more?) Love the drawers beside the machine by the way.

Pomona said...

The outer door of my washing machine comes off in my hand if I open it too vigorously - and only my husband can get it back on! Maybe I am missing a trick . . .

Lalabibaby @ Dreaming of The Simple Life said...

Good old Ted .... what a thoughtful hubbie x

Rose H (UK) said...

What a sweetie Ted is :o) Now, I'm sure you need a hand to freeze some delights - bet he'd offer ;o)
Over the last two weeks we've had the dreaded triple - needed a new washer, dryer and then the fridge gave up the ghost! The moral is don't buy a cheaper new under counter fridge - it's too noisy and it's driving me NUTS!

helen tilston said...

You are clever to have had Ted do the laundry. He now appreciates all the work you had to do to just get a load of laundry completed.
Wishing you a great week

Mimi and Tilly said...

Fantastic! I have been giggling out loud reading this. Especially the part about nothing needing to be said. Reminds me of the time Steve said " I won't bother water-proofing the tent, we'll be ok." And we then sat in silence under two umbrellas inside the tent when a three day rainstorm swept by... What a lovely surprise from your husband! Sending a big hug, Em x

sandiart said...

Oh my I did have a very loud laugh at that, your smalls and all, sorry, but you did paint a very funny picture. Especially the bit about not needing words and him going off and buying a new washer:)
x Sandi

Vintage Jane said...

Brilliant post ... made me laugh out loud. So glad you have your new mean machine now. Long may your smalls stay small ... but not too small! M x

Sylvia said...

Enjoyed reading this post, Elaine !
How sweet of your husband to surprise you with a new machine :-)

Donna ~ Little Tiny Stitches said...

LOL :o)

I adore your pattern drawers too!


Kim said...

I love this post! It is hilarious, Elaine. I love you making a cup of tea and Ted going out. And Kit (love to Kit) bringing a mouse in. Mouse(s) seem to be a theme these days! Send Kit over...I've got a prize for her.
This is like a skit from I Love Lucy! Love it!

VintageWantsNotNeeds said...

My husband did that once, I told him to put it on a F spin and he turned it to an A boil then wondered why it was taking too long. Unfortunately he did this on a jumper wash and they were my jumpers... mind you he paid for it for ages every time we went shopping and I saw something I liked I bought it with the pretence that it would replace what he had ruined. He finally caught onto what I was doing about a year later. Bless him.

Vintage to Victorian at Dairy House Antiques said...

The laugh this post has just given me has been the perfect tonic - completely understand the stomping and muttering in the girl-shed, oh, so completely, but what a star he was to save the day!!!

Have just had to do the same with our old one but I think I'll just let Pauley look at it when he comes home - not use it!!!

I think you should check out ALL your appliances very carefully over the next week or so just in case him indoors is on a roll ;o))

Sue xx

Alex said...

Oh bless him! At least he didn't try and make any silly excuses. Going out and buying a shiny new one is by far the best course of action.

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