Tuesday, April 17

Ode to a Camellia


I'm very sorry dear Camellia
but I just don't like you.

I want to smile when I see you
and tend your soggy blooms
knowing we'll probably spend many more years
living together in total dis-harmony
but try as I might
I just don't like you.

A thoughtful gift (they thought)
I created a special bed for your tender roots
with neither morning sun nor chill wind
in a place free from rabbits and deer
and soil that didn't suit
and thanking me the way you do
you flourished and flowered
and flourished some more. . .

and yet still I don't like you.

I don't like your fat plain green foliage
I don't like your municipal blooms
that look like used toilet tissue when they fade
and you're the only shade of pink
in the whole wide world
that I don't like.

I have no green fingers
I can't even look after a houseplant
or a cactus
or a Christmas tree.
My runner beans were has-beans
roses remain thorns
potted herbs become dried herbs
bulbs refuse to bloom
bay trees without bay leaves

and yet you,
despite drought and deluge
frost and snow
cats and chickens
are my one gardening triumph
the pinnacle of Gertrude Jekyll aspirations
the only living thing left to show for my garden makeover.

And still,
in spite of everything you've done,
 the generosity you've shown
the bees you've fed
the frogs you've sheltered
and the eyesore corner you've filled
I just 
don't
like you



15 comments:

sue15cat said...

Well.....she obviously likes you!!

Sue xx

Menopausalmusing said...

I'm definitely NOT coming back as a Camellia then!

KC'sCourt! said...

My sentiments exactly! I don't have green fingers either - we have motto in our garden, it it can't look after itself its not allow in! Ours was in the garden when we moved in twenty-two years ago, she started to wilt - THEN along came the compost bin, they fell in love, she thrives with the compost bin next to her and I don't tend her anymore!
Julie xxxxxxxx

Hesta Nesta said...

I loved 'the used toilet paper bit', made me laugh out loud! Are you coming to the VB on Saturday?
Jo xx

Vintage Jane said...

If you don't find it pretty or useful ... get rid of it! M x

Melissa said...

Ha! This made me laugh! I understand not liking certain plants and I usually kill most of them, so it goes without saying that if I don't like something, it will flourish...Murphy and his dang law.

Bee happy said...

I can't look after indoor or outdoor plants, I tend to have cut flowers inside!

Hope you are having a wonderful week sweetie

Bee happy x
Have a delicious day!

Minerva Black said...

ha ha! Some plants suit us and some do not. Perhaps you can carefully dig this one up and pass it onto a friend who loves them? I'm not fond of them either, mine always had too many blooms all at once, and mostly fallen.

Sherri B. said...

They grow well here but are only pretty for a short time...then the 'used toilet tissue' look starts. Love your perfect description! xo

Sylvia said...

What a special way to express you don't like this plant, Elaine !
Even so it has lovely shades of pink ...
Nice day,
Sylvia

Nostalgia at the Stone House said...

I know how you feel, Elaine...I've had a cull this year of some of the plants/shrubs that have been doing far too well for their own good and have filled my borders...It feels a bit wicked to give them the chop, but most make good compost (or fire wood), so will still be in the garden in spirit...

Love your writings...you always make me laugh,
Niki x

BadPenny said...

Ha ha ha ha ! I'm so with you on this ! Thanks for the giggle x


( How do you get warm ice cream ?)

Purrfect Haven said...

ha ahaha you are scaring us... and quite a lot!(but we know what you mean!). We love visiting, love Helen, Darcy and Bingley xxx

VintageWantsNotNeeds said...

That's whats known as sods law, it knows you don't like it and is having a laugh at you. I can almost see it sticking its tongue out and blowing you a raspberry - nahnahnihnahnah.....

thriftwood said...

Haha really made me laugh ... it's flourishing just to spite you! Just dig it out and give it to someone else xxx

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