Friday, May 18

marooned. . .with unseasonal snow. . .& without my new shoes

when I'm indoors (or sometimes outdoors for that matter)
I like to go barefoot
I love that s-t-r-e-t-c-h of toes against the ground
and feeling a little lift as you walk.
If I've managed a careful pedicure with glittery red polish
and not smudged it by being impatient
that makes me smile too.

I tried flip-flops but scooted down the stairs once too often
when they transformed into skateboards.
Ever grateful for Tesco's BOGOF offer
on frozen peas- one bag for sprained ankle and
the second (free one) for my bum. . .
never mind Birds Eye Finest- more like Birds Eye View!

all I wanted to do was get the big cake tin down from the top shelf.
Lucky enough to have a walk-in larder,
I pulled a chair from the kitchen
(the top shelf is a high top shelf)
and climbed aboard.

First I caught a tin of tomato soup (Heinz of course)
with my dressing gown sleeve
which rolled into a jar of pickled onions (Ted's of course)
which fell into my cinnamon sprinkler.

The tin of soup tottered off the shelf
gathering speed as it spun
and bounced off my ankle before landing upright on the floor
denting at one edge and gently leaking tomatoey goo all over the concrete.
My ankle bled like a stuck pig.
The jar of onions and cinnamon sprinkler cascaded from the shelf
in an awesome display of synchronised diving
and landed on the floor, avoiding the tin of soup but breaking on impact.

Gritting my teeth and reminding myself why I was there
I pulled at the cake tin on the top shelf
forgetting it had Christmas decorations stored inside from the last time used
and showered myself, the shelves,
the packets of cereals and store-cupboard staples in silver Santas and snow.

I'm marooned, barefoot and bleeding on the kitchen chair in the larder.
Covered in snow.
The floor is awash with broken glass, broken china, broken Santas, pickled onions
tomato soup and a lavish sprinkling of cinnamon.

The phone rings. . .can't answer that, it's in the kitchen.

There's a knock at the front door. . .
can't answer that, I'm still in my dressing gown haha!

If only I'd been wearing my NEW SHOES!!!


sue15cat said...

What a start to the day!!

One day you'll lauggh....but maybe not just now.

Hope your foot heals quickly and that you manage to round up the pickled onions.....they smell a bit iffy if you don't....says she speaking from experience, one lived behind my fridge for a while til I tracked it down and it was only a diddy little silverskin....poo tink, as my youngest would have said!

Sue xx

YONKS said...

Oh no! Sorry for laughing, but your description was hilarious!
Hope you're not too beaten up.

Sherri B. said...

I am sooooo very sorry for laughing too, but we know you survived because you're here to tell about it and tell about it you did. You are a mighty good story teller, I could even smell the quite delicious aroma coming from the accident victims remains below (minus the blood of course).

About the famous new shoes, I think you would not have needed them to protect you from the broken glass...Why, you ask? Well, you would have stepped up on the chair and once there, would have twisted the ankle making you lose your balance and down you'd go, at that point you are once again...very thankful for the special on frozen peas.

Have a SAFE and happy weekend, my friend, xo

Melissa said...

Bless your heart! So sorry you're injured. Hope you heal quickly! Have a great weekend...and be careful!

Jee said...

Oh dear! M husband has a horror of people going around in bare feet - perhaps he has a point. I could imagine all too well the various items cascading from the shelves - been there, done that - last time tinned fish (tin burst), plastic bottle of olive oil - top flew off and it coated everything and so on. Hope your ankle is OK. Thank Bruce for his wiggly message and give him a hug from me. x Jane

Maria said...

Aww poor you! I am a little like that myself! Hubby says I do every things to quickly and some times have mishaps...hehe.We are woman we know how to multi task! Take care of you! Maria x

Autumn Mist said...

Goodness, you poor thing, you're not having a great time of it this year, are you? I'm afraid I did have a slight laugh though, I could so see myself doing this!

Menopausalmusing said...

Ouch, ouch, OUCH!

Rose H (UK) said...

I bet you said more that 'Drat!'
Sorry you got hurt, hope you feel better soon. (sorry, I laughed to)
Rose H

sandiart said...

I know it is very naughty to laugh, but I couldn't help it....honest. I have been in a similar situation myself.
Hope the ankle is much better today.
xx Sandi

sandiart said...

I know it is very naughty to laugh, but I couldn't help it....honest. I have been in a similar situation myself.
Hope the ankle is much better today.
xx Sandi

BadPenny said...

Yours is the second blog post today to mention the word Marooned so I keep saying it in a Frazer from Dads' Army way " We were maroooooned "

That would make a great TV ad for something I'm sure - not sure what though !
Poor you x

BumbleVee said...

hahhahahha......oh, sorry...but it does sound pretty funny in the writing.....

even our silliest mistakes are great blog fodder.. but, you make it all the more interesting in the telling.....

Mrs. Sutton said...

Oh Lordy - sorry - but the image you paint is rather hilarious! I have a phobia about walking in the kitchen in bare feet - I imagine glass and sharp bits - or worse - spiders!! - everywhere - lol!
Paula x
p.s. Thank you again SO much for your chicken comments on my blog - i think that your succinct description of a 'day in the life' has single handedly convinced me to go for it this Summer!

thriftwood said...

OUCH!!! Hope you're ok and thank God for frozen peas! xxx

Sylvia said...

Oh Elaine, speaking of bad luck ...
I love your funny way of telling this story :-)
Hope your ankle will be better soon !

BettyJean @ ShabbyTeaParty said...

Oh you poor thing, I wish your ankle quick recovery. Good thing you WEREN'T wearing your new shoes. Sooo pretty, but not so much with tomato goo, pickled onions and cinnamon.

thriftwood said...

Thank you for your lovely message ... I am also about to join Ted and Bunny too and Sunny Side Up to make sure I don't miss anything! Thank you very much for the offer of Bluebells, I won't know until next Spring whether the seeds will have taken, but I will let you know and thank you again! Have a lovely day, Claire xx

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